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	<title>Tortoise IT &#187; Personal Blog</title>
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	<link>http://www.sean-barton.co.uk</link>
	<description>Homepage of Sean Barton, a freelance website developer from Cheshire</description>
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		<title>NewMedias get&#8217;s it&#8217;s third musketeer!</title>
		<link>http://www.sean-barton.co.uk/2010/05/newmedias-gets-its-third-musketeer/</link>
		<comments>http://www.sean-barton.co.uk/2010/05/newmedias-gets-its-third-musketeer/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Fri, 21 May 2010 23:08:43 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Sean</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[News]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Personal Blog]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Statements and Rants]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Wordpress]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Your Brand]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.sean-barton.co.uk/?p=441</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Those of you who know me from the NewMedias Your Members project will remember that for years it has been a two man band. Some were sceptical about the future of Your Members and whether it was just going to fizzle away like so many other Wordpress plugins. I am pleased to now tell you [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><a href="http://www.newmedias.co.uk"><img class="alignright size-full wp-image-444" title="logo" src="http://www.sean-barton.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2010/05/logo.jpg" alt="logo" width="204" height="49" /></a>Those of you who know me from the NewMedias Your Members project will remember that for years it has been a two man band. Some were sceptical about the future of Your Members and whether it was just going to fizzle away like so many other Wordpress plugins. I am pleased to now tell you that actually no, we aren&#8217;t going anywhere and in fact will be trying to get things moving again with help of the latest member of the team, Glenn Pegden. Glenn has a varied background, likes long walks on the beach and candle lit dinners. I understand he also knows a thing or two about sales and therefore he will be kicking myself and Tim Nash into shape to get the plugin(s) updated, pretty and unmissable!</p>
<p>Current plans include a whole new website just for the Your Members plugin to house things like&#8230; wait for it&#8230; documentation and a proper list of the things it can actually do! We have recently released YM version 1.6 which is the best version yet! We hope to get some feedback and tweets to the new YM Twitter account for things that you, the community, would like to see and then get the next version out to you sometime in the next couple of months.</p>
<p>Any questions about the plugin, the project or Glenns vital statistics then you can get in touch with us at newmedias.co.uk or use my site contact form and we shall get back to you.</p>
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		<item>
		<title>How to convert your site to Wordpress</title>
		<link>http://www.sean-barton.co.uk/2010/03/how-to-convert-your-site-to-wordpress/</link>
		<comments>http://www.sean-barton.co.uk/2010/03/how-to-convert-your-site-to-wordpress/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 16 Mar 2010 12:00:25 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Sean</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[PHP]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Personal Blog]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Themes]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Tutorials]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Usability]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Wordpress]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Time Savers]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Wordpress migration]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.sean-barton.co.uk/?p=413</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[I recently had a conversation with someone who had decided to come to Wordpress to take advantage of a plugin or two and wanted to know how to get an existing site into the correct theme structure as required. It took a lengthy email or two to explain but it struck me that lots of [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><img class="alignright size-full wp-image-416" title="Wordpress Logo" src="http://www.sean-barton.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2010/03/23-wordpress_logo.png" alt="Wordpress Logo" width="154" height="154" />I recently had a conversation with someone who had decided to come to Wordpress to take advantage of a plugin or two and wanted to know how to get an existing site into the correct theme structure as required. It took a lengthy email or two to explain but it struck me that lots of people must be asking the same questions over and over. So in this post i shall try to explain how to get a theme together, or rather where to start</p>
<p><em>So&#8230; first, a bit of logic</em></p>
<p>Logically speaking a standard layout web page can be split into four distinct areas as follows:</p>
<ul>
<li>Header</li>
<li>Footer</li>
<li>Sidebar(s)</li>
<li>Content</li>
</ul>
<p>And as such Wordpress uses different theme files to render the appropriate sections. We need to split our HTML page into those different files. There are, however, lines of code that Wordpress needs you to put into each of these files and so tbe best way todo this without missing anything is to recycle another theme. So&#8230; go to your Wordpress install and visit <em>/wp-content/themes/</em> and&#8230;</p>
<ol>
<li>Duplicate the directory called &#8216;<em>default</em>&#8216;</li>
<li>Open style.css in a text editor and edit the name of the theme and any other information you feel like</li>
<li>Either remove or replace <em>screenshot.jpg</em> from the theme directory so it looks different in the theme menu</li>
</ol>
<p>That&#8217;s it, you now have a skeleton to work from and it&#8217;s time to make it look like your site. Let&#8217;s assume you have a simple brochureware site and, therefore, don&#8217;t need any blog type pages. Largely these sites have a standard consistent layout on each page (often except the home page but that difference is for another tutorial) and Wordpress uses this consistency to slot in the appropriate information for each page. We do this by&#8230;</p>
<ol>
<li>Choose a short yet typical page from your site and view the HTML source</li>
<li>Open 4 separate text files from the new theme directory in your favourite text editor. They are: <em>header.php, footer.php, sidebar.php and page.php</em></li>
<li>From the HTML source take the top section of code (usually as far as the content and sidebar code inclusive of a menu assuming you are using a top horizontal bar navigation) and place it into <em>header.php</em> making sure to preserve the obvious dynamic sections of code (anything between <em>&lt;?php</em> and <em>?&gt;</em> can be assumed to be dynamic)</li>
<li>Do the same with the footer into<em> footer.php</em> (the section below the content and sidebar that often contains SEO links and copyright notices)</li>
<li>The remaining block should contain the content and sidebar code&#8230; simply cut out the sidebar code into <em>sidebar.php</em></li>
<li>Finally split the content code into the bit before the text and the bit after the text (ie: layout code stripping out the text itself). Then paste these sections around the &#8216;while&#8217; loop within <em>page.php</em>.</li>
<li>(optional) copy your stylesheet into style.css making sure to preserve the comment at the top of the file as this is used by Wordpress to define the theme and without which will not pick up any of the code.</li>
</ol>
<p>Step 6 will likely be the most difficult to do as there are three or four important lines of PHP code in there. Firstly the line that reads &lt;?php get_header(); ?&gt; is the code that calls header.php. Likewise &lt;?php get_footer(); ?&gt; and &lt;?php get_sidebar(); ?&gt; call their appropriate namesakes. Make sure that they are in the correct logical positions for the page to render in the right order.</p>
<p><strong>The Loop</strong></p>
<p>The hardest section is what is called &#8216;the loop&#8217; by Wordpress bods. This is the section of code that shows the post(s) from the database relative to the page you are looking at. The Loop often falls into the following form:</p>
<pre>&lt;?php if (have_posts()) : while (have_posts()) : the_post(); ?&gt;
 &lt;div id="post-&lt;?php the_ID(); ?&gt;"&gt;
 &lt;h2&gt;&lt;?php the_title(); ?&gt;&lt;/h2&gt;
 &lt;div&gt;
 &lt;?php the_content('&lt;p&gt;Read the rest of this page &amp;raquo;&lt;/p&gt;'); ?&gt;

 &lt;?php wp_link_pages(array('before' =&gt; '&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;Pages:&lt;/strong&gt; ', 'after' =&gt; '&lt;/p&gt;', 'next_or_number' =&gt; 'number')); ?&gt;

 &lt;/div&gt;
 &lt;/div&gt;
 &lt;?php endwhile; endif; ?&gt;</pre>
<p>You shouldn&#8217;t really need to change any of the code itself but you might need to edit the encapsulating HTML to make your styles fit in. For example if your page titles are not in H2 tags then you need to change it to suit etc etc&#8230;</p>
<p><strong>Testing it!</strong></p>
<p>This will always be a case of trial and error until you know what you are doing so don&#8217;t worry if it all goes pear shaped. That&#8217;s what the undo button is for!</p>
<p>To test that your theme is working properly then you need to visit your sites back end at <em>/wp-admin</em> and click the link on the left hand side called &#8216;<em>appearance</em>&#8216;. The themes page will appear and to activate your theme you simply find it in the list and click &#8216;activate&#8217;. Then view the front end of the site and see what it looks like.</p>
<p>At this stage you might be confused because the home page looks different to the rest of the site. This is because, by default, Wordpress uses the <em>index.php</em> file from your theme directory to generate the home page. To change this visit the <em>settings -&gt; reading</em> page from the left menu and use the dropdown box to choose an appropriate page to be used for the home page.</p>
<p><strong>What&#8217;s next?</strong></p>
<p>Ok so your theme looks like it did before you spent hours making the them for the Wordpress site&#8230; why on earth are we using Wordpress at all you ask! Well if you were to create a new page for your old site then you would have to duplicate an HTML file, trawl through code (or look at Dreamweaver or another WYSIWYG) to find the sections to replace before uploading to your site and updating the links in the various menus as appropriate. With Wordpress you just add a &#8216;<em>page</em>&#8216; using the nice admin system and it&#8217;s all done for you.</p>
<p>I always tell my clients to go and have a look at the Wordpress plugins directory for ideas and things to ad to their site. A word of warning though, some plugins conflict with others and too many plugins might slow your site down considerably. Over time you will get used to a core few you know and trust.</p>
<p><em>Feel free to ask me any questions about Wordpress, PHP or other and hopefully I will be able to help you decide what&#8217;s the best direction for your site to take. Expect a lecture about how good Wordpress is though!</em></p>
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		<title>Snow Leopard and SCPlugin</title>
		<link>http://www.sean-barton.co.uk/2010/02/snow-leopard-and-scplugin/</link>
		<comments>http://www.sean-barton.co.uk/2010/02/snow-leopard-and-scplugin/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Thu, 04 Feb 2010 09:00:09 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Sean</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Mac]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Personal Blog]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Statements and Rants]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Subversion]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Troubleshooting]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Apple]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Snow Leopard]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[svn]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Upgrade]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.sean-barton.co.uk/?p=399</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[I recently upgraded my laptop to Snow Leopard and have, as of yet, not been wowed by it. Whilst in conversation with a friend I defended the OS and demanded that the latest release was not a Service Pack as he suggested and is an entirely new OS. I installed it and expected the world [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><a rel="attachment wp-att-400 lightbox" href="http://www.sean-barton.co.uk/?attachment_id=400"><img class="alignright size-medium wp-image-400" title="Snow Leopard Box" src="http://www.sean-barton.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2010/02/snow-leopard-box-300x200.jpg" alt="Snow Leopard Box" width="300" height="200" /></a>I recently upgraded my laptop to Snow Leopard and have, as of yet, not been wowed by it. Whilst in conversation with a friend I defended the OS and demanded that the latest release was not a Service Pack as he suggested and is an entirely new OS. I installed it and expected the world to tremble as I booted up, I wanted to see an instantly noticable improvement for the &#8216;average&#8217; user such as myself.</p>
<p><em>No such luck</em></p>
<p>Since installing the update I have not noticed an increase in speed as was anticipated and to make things annoying I have had to completely reconfigure my local web server and find a new Subversion application to use. It took me about a week to recover fully from the upgrade. The laptop has been sadly crashing (albeit not catastrophically) once a month or so.</p>
<p>On the bright side though, and there is a really big bright side, my laptop now sports the latest version of the OS. OSX is still as pretty and user friendly as it ever was and, after a month or two of use, you really start to notice the differences and little tweaks that have been added. I had problems before the upgrade with deleting &#8216;locked&#8217; (?) items from my trash (there was a keyboard shortcut I now know) but now there is a handy dialogue box that asks about it on emptying the can. There are a few other stylistic changes I notice although I am aware that the major change is the extension of integration of Cocoa which is nice (apparently).</p>
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		<item>
		<title>Why buy from an ugly website?</title>
		<link>http://www.sean-barton.co.uk/2010/02/why-buy-from-an-ugly-website/</link>
		<comments>http://www.sean-barton.co.uk/2010/02/why-buy-from-an-ugly-website/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 03 Feb 2010 09:00:12 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Sean</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Events]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[News]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Personal Blog]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[SEO]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Shameless Plugs]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Statements and Rants]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Usability]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[blacklist]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[design]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.sean-barton.co.uk/?p=394</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[I have been thinking a great deal recently about the work I do and how much of it is purely functional before someone else goes away and ruins it with their bad design choices. I attended ThinkVisibility 2 last September and it was a real eye opener with regard to the talks I was subjected [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>I have been thinking a great deal recently about the work I do and how much of it is purely functional before someone else goes away and ruins it with their bad design choices. I attended <a title="Think Visibility 3" href="http://www.thinkvisibility.com">ThinkVisibility 2</a> last September and it was a real eye opener with regard to the talks I was subjected to. One was to do with eye tracking and we were shown an example of a number of users&#8217; browsing patterns for different sites. I never realised how predictable users can be with the way they look at some sites.</p>
<p>However, one of the sites we were shown was Amazon and it shows the users having trouble getting around. I have to ask myself exactly how on earth Amazon makes money at all when people are obviously struggling to find what they want, or worse, find what they want but can&#8217;t work out how to pay for the thing!</p>
<p>I have started looking at websites in a new light now and often refuse to buy anything from a site that I deem to be <em>unworthy</em> <em>of my custom</em>. It sounds a little bit odd for me to say that but I honestly do think twice about getting out my wallet if it takes me longer than I want to spend finding the items in the first place.</p>
<p>I would almost be inclined to start a black list of sites that, in my opinion, were badly designed but before long it would be unmaintainable <img src='http://www.sean-barton.co.uk/wp-includes/images/smilies/icon_smile.gif' alt=':)' class='wp-smiley' /> </p>
<p>What, however, I will do is comment on a few sites that I do get along with and tell you why&#8230;</p>
<p>#1 Google<br />
I was introduced to Google in 2001 when I was at college and my lecturers suggested they use it because of the distinct lack of advertising. This, of course, has now changed and Google has a colossal advertising network. Let me ask you this though&#8230; does it get in the way of your browsing? I say no it doesn&#8217;t and the clean cut and fast interface they provide is exactly what I want to see.</p>
<p>#2 eBay &amp; Paypal<br />
I have been using eBay and Paypal for years as I am sure most of Europe and the US have been as well. I find the interface on eBay inkeeping with the &#8216;fun&#8217; theme of the dutch auction and the clean lines of Paypal when you come to actually hand over your money a refreshing contrast. Would you really want to hand over your card details on a site that looks like a child has written it? eBay offers a good and intuitive search functionality but also excellent browsing and viewing product pages.</p>
<p>#3 Apple<br />
I may be criticised for saying this but I think that apple also have the right idea with regard to their site design. Design, of course, is something that Apple have grown up with and have continued to excel at through the ages. I find the homepage to be a no nonsense view of what they want you to see (which at the moment is the new iPad (a big iPod in my opinion.. not a great deal of product design elaboration there!)). The shop is non contentional but you always manage to find your product and get it into your shopping cart with no problems.</p>
<p>#4 Facebook<br />
To start, I hate facebook&#8230; It is one of those sites that just ropes people in to basically live until the shelf life runs out and they move onto something else. They are managing to keep ahead of (or in conjunction with) Twitter quite well at the moment but then the sites have somewhat different core strengths. However, my hatred aside, you really have to give it to them that the design of the site, the navigation and the speed are all pretty good indeed. The use of Ajax and Javascript are a credit to the site and the user experience is a good one indeed.</p>
<p>#5 Bing<br />
I don&#8217;t use the search engine at all to be honest as I am firmly a Google man (stubborn really if anything else) however, one has to appreciate the front page of Bing. Instead of going the Google route and showing nothing or the Yahoo route and showing everything they have shown interesting bits of information about random things. The picture in the background changes frequently (much like Googles header image) and the hotspots on the image give interesting information about the scene and it&#8217;s contents. I like this method of not being forced to swallow news (or worse, wait for it to load!) that I don&#8217;t want to see but providing me with an interesting picture with the opportunity to easily get more information. Well done Microsoft on your first half decent search engine page!</p>
<p>The list could go on and on but I have things to do. Please do feel free to add your own likes and dislikes to my list. The point was to highlight the fact that design and placement of a website is often not as important to some people as it should be. These examples are sites whom I think have done it properly. Copying them is not the best thing to do at all but use them as an inspiration to guide you in making the right decisions for your own homepages.</p>
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		<title>An extension of my being?</title>
		<link>http://www.sean-barton.co.uk/2010/02/an-extension-of-my-being/</link>
		<comments>http://www.sean-barton.co.uk/2010/02/an-extension-of-my-being/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 02 Feb 2010 14:57:35 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Sean</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Personal Blog]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Statements and Rants]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Coffee Break]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Reliance on technology]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Technology]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.sean-barton.co.uk/?p=391</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[My Wife just left the house and was about to drive away when I realised that she had left her mobile phone on the dining room table. I picked it up and ran out of the front door waving it like an idiot as she merrily drove away unaware of her imminent predicament.
After the incident [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>My Wife just left the house and was about to drive away when I realised that she had left her mobile phone on the dining room table. I picked it up and ran out of the front door waving it like an idiot as she merrily drove away unaware of her imminent predicament.</p>
<p>After the incident it has really dawned on me how much we, as people, a nation, a planet, rely on technology in our daily lives just to get by. Simple tasks such as driving to work or visiting friends is now impossible without the use of a Satellite Navigation system. Our cars themselves are being packed with more kit to make them easier (and less interactive) to drive. I drive a car with an automatic gearbox and often make use of cruise control. So I can effectively span the entire country driving using only one hand and no feet (assuming the petrol doesn&#8217;t run out in which case more limbs might be required).</p>
<p>At home our reliance on technology is no different&#8230; I was just talking to a friend of mine who is currently sitting in a lecture 20 miles away; I used Skype last night to speak (and see) my sister in law in France; I am writing this now using a laptop computer <em>whilst</em> listening to my iPod <em>whilst</em> the washing machine makes sure I have something to wear tomorrow <em>whilst </em>the automatic central heating keeps me warm. And to top it off&#8230; all along I am wondering exactly how my Wife is going to function in the world without her mobile phone!!</p>
<p>My observation for the day is that we as a species are becoming so reliant on technology that I worry before long we shall just forget how to do all these things that people 50 years ago just knew how to do! I do wonder what&#8217;s coming next&#8230; a new product idea for Apple maybe, a subcutaneous mobile phone. A use somewhere there for their multi-touch technology I think. Or if Microsoft does it I can see the next &#8216;I&#8217;m a PC and Windows Cerebral was my idea&#8217; advert.</p>
<p>So I suppose the morale of this is to go and buy a tent, leave your phone at home and only check your emails the twice a day instead of the once every five minutes that seems to be the norm for most iPhone and Blackberry users. I shall be here checking the curtain every two minutes to make sure my Wife get&#8217;s home safely (if she even manages to find her way).</p>
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		<title>Should one follow the path (of least resistance)?</title>
		<link>http://www.sean-barton.co.uk/2009/11/should-one-follow-the-path-of-least-resistance/</link>
		<comments>http://www.sean-barton.co.uk/2009/11/should-one-follow-the-path-of-least-resistance/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Sun, 29 Nov 2009 20:32:32 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Sean</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Personal Blog]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Statements and Rants]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[business]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.sean-barton.co.uk/?p=388</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[It&#8217;s a funny term isn&#8217;t it, &#8216;the path of least resistance&#8217;, but it just about sums up the way that a lot of businesses run day to day. It symbolises the age old dilemma that faces many people… do it right or do it quickly?
There are, of course, sides to every story and in the [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>It&#8217;s a funny term isn&#8217;t it, &#8216;the path of least resistance&#8217;, but it just about sums up the way that a lot of businesses run day to day. It symbolises the age old dilemma that faces many people… do it right or do it quickly?</p>
<p>There are, of course, sides to every story and in the majority of cases it comes down to money. Money makes the world go around apparently. Take for example a project which is due in a week but to do it in that time you would need to cut a few corners. However, if given another few days the job could be done properly and actually work. When you put this question to your manager, what is his likely response? Quickly, exactly!</p>
<p>So is there a benefit to cutting corners? The answer, of course, is yes there is! Consider an IT contract. If you put in a system that works, didn&#8217;t take long to do but will inevitably fail then who are they going to call on that day when all hell breaks loose? Should they call you to fix it? Why? Well the reality is that yes they will call you because the likelihood is that because you wrote the system then you are more likely to fix it more effectively (and therefore more cheaply).</p>
<p>The opposing side to the argument is company reputation. If you are honest with your client and give them the dilemma to solve themselves then not only do they feel that they are a valued customer but also you not longer have to make that decision to extend or cut corners.</p>
<p>So why is the dilemma effecting so many people in so many businesses across the world? It&#8217;s because not every client likes to be involved on that level. There are a proportion of clients who just want to pay the money and get the job done effectively throwing the ball back into your court. The talent needed here, of course, can be put down to experience. It takes years to be able to tell whether a client wants to be involved or not.</p>
<p>My personal way of dealing with it is to ask them! Why not bite the bullet and communicate with them? One thing I have found whilst working on the forums at Newmedias is that people want to be kept up to date with anything and everything. They want hourly updates and ideally to be informed when anything changes preferably with a couple of forewarning messages as well. Ultimately this isn&#8217;t always possible and is very hard to manage at times which is why a lot of businesses either do it for a while and then stop or just don&#8217;t bother.</p>
<p>So let&#8217;s say we are supporting a product either via email or a forum? What&#8217;s best practice? Should we bombard the user base with automated system emails? Yes I believe so but only if they are done properly. This brings us back to the theme of the post. Do it right or do it quickly… my preference, do it right!</p>
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		<title>Spammers go funny!</title>
		<link>http://www.sean-barton.co.uk/2009/10/spammers-go-funny/</link>
		<comments>http://www.sean-barton.co.uk/2009/10/spammers-go-funny/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 07 Oct 2009 11:49:30 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Sean</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Personal Blog]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Spammers]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Wordpress]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.sean-barton.co.uk/?p=345</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Just a quick one today but I had to comment on the hilarity of the steps that spammers take these days. It appears it has only been the last few weeks but a new technique I have noticed in my Wordpress spam has been jokes! The general content of the comments is still rubbish and [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Just a quick one today but I had to comment on the hilarity of the steps that spammers take these days. It appears it has only been the last few weeks but a new technique I have noticed in my Wordpress spam has been jokes! The general content of the comments is still rubbish and they still link back to some malicious site however after the silly content is &#8216;here is a joke for you&#8230;&#8217;.</p>
<p>I must admit I haven&#8217;t enjoyed checking my spam comments as much as I have recently. Spammers, your comments arent getting through but they do deserve a good chuckle now and again. Here are a few I have had recently:</p>
<p><em>What geometric figure represents a lost parrot? A polygon<strong> &#8211; My Favourite</strong><br />
</em></p>
<p><em>What goes black and white, black and white, black and white, boom? A nun falling down the stairs.</em></p>
<p><em>What is three feet long? A yard.</em></p>
<p><em>What do sea monsters eat for lunch? Fish and ships.</em></p>
<p><em>What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A nervous wreck.</em></p>
<p><em>Why do turkeys eat so little? Because they are always stuffed!</em></p>
<p><em>What do you get when you have a cow and a duck? Milk and quackers.</em></p>
<p><em>Why did the big moron fall off the roof and the little moron didn&#8217;t? Because he was a little more on.</em></p>
<p><em>Did you hear about the flasher who was thinking of retiring? He decided to stick it out for one more year!</em></p>
<p><em>What insect does well in school? A spelling bee.</em></p>
<p><em>What kind of bird can write? A penguin.</em></p>
<p><em>Why did the bald man put a bunny on his head? He wanted a full head of hare.</em></p>
<p><em>Why wouldn’t the bike move very fast?? It was too tired!!</em></p>
<p><em>What do the letters D.N.A. stand for? National Dyslexics Association.</em></p>
<p><em>What kind of shoes do lazy people wear? Loafers.</em></p>
<p><em>Why did the man put wheels on his rocking chair? He wanted to rock and roll.</em></p>
<p><em>What do you call cheese that isn&#8217;t yours? Nacho cheese.</em></p>
<p><em>Where does a bird go when it loses its tail? The retail store.</em></p>
<p><em>What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long? Polaroids.</em></p>
<p><em>Did you hear about the red ship and the blue ship that collided? The survivors were marooned.</em></p>
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		<title>Learning Event Generator</title>
		<link>http://www.sean-barton.co.uk/2009/09/learning-event-generator/</link>
		<comments>http://www.sean-barton.co.uk/2009/09/learning-event-generator/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Sat, 26 Sep 2009 18:32:05 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Sean</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Personal Blog]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Teaching]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Tutorials]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[learning]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[lesson planning]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.sean-barton.co.uk/?p=343</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[The learning event generator is something which I was shown on the first day of my PGCE. It was demonstrated and was intriguing to say the least! It would be an interesting way to allow the children we teach to decide their own activities.
I have been in a coding mood today so thought that I [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>The learning event generator is something which I was shown on the first day of my PGCE. It was demonstrated and was intriguing to say the least! It would be an interesting way to allow the children we teach to decide their own activities.</p>
<p>I have been in a coding mood today so thought that I would bash together a tiny little PHP script to emulate the same thing. Yes it&#8217;s basic but works from two text files which are defined in the first few lines of the file itself. It&#8217;s not the most elegant bit of code I have ever written but if you know anything about PHP or have a web server then why not have a fiddle and see what you can make it do?</p>
<p>Consider this&#8230; it doesn&#8217;t have to be learning events. Why not use it as a kind of &#8216;What shall we do tomorrow?&#8217; kind of thing. eg: &#8216;Do a 5 mile run with a friend dressed as a horse&#8217; or &#8216;Do go out and get a bit merry&#8217;.</p>
<p><strong>The Code</strong></p>
<pre>&lt;?php

$cwd = getcwd();
$outcome_source = $cwd . '/' . 'activities.txt';
$method_source = $cwd . '/' . 'methods.txt';

$outcomes = file($outcome_source);
$methods = file($method_source);

$outcome = trim($outcomes[array_rand($outcomes)]);
$method = trim($methods[array_rand($methods)]);

echo 'Do ' . $outcome . ' as a ' . $method . '.';

?&gt;</pre>
<p><strong>The Download</strong></p>
<p>The file is available as a download here: <a class="downloadlink" href="http://www.sean-barton.co.uk/wp-content/plugins/download-monitor/download.php?id=14" title="Version 1 downloaded 216 times" >Learning Event Generator (1.23 KB)</a></p>
<p><strong>References</strong></p>
<p>The original idea is available on the following <a title="Learning Event Generator Homepage" href="http://www.newtools.org/showtxt.php?docid=724" target="_blank">website</a> and is credited to John Davitt</p>
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