Archive for the ‘Personal Blog’ category

Spammers go funny!

October 7th, 2009

Just a quick one today but I had to comment on the hilarity of the steps that spammers take these days. It appears it has only been the last few weeks but a new technique I have noticed in my Wordpress spam has been jokes! The general content of the comments is still rubbish and they still link back to some malicious site however after the silly content is ‘here is a joke for you…’.

I must admit I haven’t enjoyed checking my spam comments as much as I have recently. Spammers, your comments arent getting through but they do deserve a good chuckle now and again. Here are a few I have had recently:

What geometric figure represents a lost parrot? A polygon – My Favourite

What goes black and white, black and white, black and white, boom? A nun falling down the stairs.

What is three feet long? A yard.

What do sea monsters eat for lunch? Fish and ships.

What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A nervous wreck.

Why do turkeys eat so little? Because they are always stuffed!

What do you get when you have a cow and a duck? Milk and quackers.

Why did the big moron fall off the roof and the little moron didn’t? Because he was a little more on.

Did you hear about the flasher who was thinking of retiring? He decided to stick it out for one more year!

What insect does well in school? A spelling bee.

What kind of bird can write? A penguin.

Why did the bald man put a bunny on his head? He wanted a full head of hare.

Why wouldn’t the bike move very fast?? It was too tired!!

What do the letters D.N.A. stand for? National Dyslexics Association.

What kind of shoes do lazy people wear? Loafers.

Why did the man put wheels on his rocking chair? He wanted to rock and roll.

What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese.

Where does a bird go when it loses its tail? The retail store.

What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long? Polaroids.

Did you hear about the red ship and the blue ship that collided? The survivors were marooned.

Learning Event Generator

September 26th, 2009

The learning event generator is something which I was shown on the first day of my PGCE. It was demonstrated and was intriguing to say the least! It would be an interesting way to allow the children we teach to decide their own activities.

I have been in a coding mood today so thought that I would bash together a tiny little PHP script to emulate the same thing. Yes it’s basic but works from two text files which are defined in the first few lines of the file itself. It’s not the most elegant bit of code I have ever written but if you know anything about PHP or have a web server then why not have a fiddle and see what you can make it do?

Consider this… it doesn’t have to be learning events. Why not use it as a kind of ‘What shall we do tomorrow?’ kind of thing. eg: ‘Do a 5 mile run with a friend dressed as a horse’ or ‘Do go out and get a bit merry’.

The Code

<?php

$cwd = getcwd();
$outcome_source = $cwd . '/' . 'activities.txt';
$method_source = $cwd . '/' . 'methods.txt';

$outcomes = file($outcome_source);
$methods = file($method_source);

$outcome = trim($outcomes[array_rand($outcomes)]);
$method = trim($methods[array_rand($methods)]);

echo 'Do ' . $outcome . ' as a ' . $method . '.';

?>

The Download

The file is available as a download here: Learning Event Generator (1.23 KB)

References

The original idea is available on the following website and is credited to John Davitt